Life in the Midway Position
If you've read this far, you must have a serious interest, and for that I thank you. Here's a whimsical web-only article for you.
This was never published in the Unification News, for reasons best left to the imagination.
A Biblical, half grumpy and half positive look at Unificationist activities.
1) Multitudes shall rejoice.
1a) All providential activity involves huge, noisy crowds.
1b) God's work attracts enthusiastic supporters.
2) Bring the Word of God to all of humanity.
2a) Your next mission will require you to visit some oddball place you've never heard of, and eat the local food.
2b) Forget the US Army; see the whole world while serving God and humanity alike.
3) Tithe and share the bounty.
3a) No matter how much you just donated, it wasn't nearly enough.
3b) Slowly but surely the world, and everything on it, is returning to God's side.
4) Follow the Call.
4a) As soon as you really get to know a church leader, he'll be transferred.
4b) People can go anywhere, and forge many new friendships, in the service of God.
5) Reach out to lost sheep.
5a) New, acronym-laden organizations will be founded as fast as their giant banners can be hung. Most will never be heard from again.
5b) The Providence grants an opportunity to every sort of person.
6) Wash your robes clean.
6a) After you finish a ceremony that assures your place in Heaven, a new and more complicated ceremony will become necessary.
6b) Satan is smart, cunning, and persistent, but fortunately God is a thousand times more so.
7) The mighty will strive on behalf of the Lord.
7a) You just completed the Most Important (and expensive) Campaign is all history. Until the next one, and the one after that.
7b) The battle against evil and Satan makes W.W.II look like a turkey shoot.
8) God's ways are mysterious.
8a) Staying awake through the 'Moses and Jesus' DP lecture isn't enough. You'll never understand the half of it.
8b) God is ultimately too deep for any mortal to grasp, but now you can find out far more than ever.
9) Pilgrims will come from around the world.
9a) The deeper and more insightful the speaker, the worse their English.
9b) People will come from countries and cultures far away, to share their unique wisdom with you.
10) Narrow is the road to Heaven.
10a) There are ten thousand ways to go to Hell. There is maybe one way to slip into Heaven, if you're very lucky.
10b) After six thousand Biblical years of almost-certain damnation, the chance for total salvation is available. Not just the lessening of sin but overcoming it, for yourself and future generations. Not alone, but with your eternal spouse, your whole family, and then your community and beyond.
by Paul Carlson
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